GENESIS 8

The story so far...

God was pissed off with the human race being all evil, murdering, raping, leaving the milk on the kitchen bench and not really behaving themselves at all so he decided to wipe all living things off the face of the earth.  He picked Noah as the most righteous of all the men and told him what he planned to do and got him and his family to build an ark.  Noah then went about building the ark while waiting for all the animals which, miraculously, managed to make their way to where the ark was built and climb aboard along with Noah and his family.  The the door was shut and god send the flood.

GENESIS 8

1 But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded.

2 Now the springs of the deep and the floodgates of the heavens had been closed, and the rain had stopped falling from the sky.

3 The water receded steadily from the earth. At the end of the hundred and fifty days the water had gone down,

4 and on the seventeenth day of the seventh month the ark came to rest on the mountains of Ararat.

5 The waters continued to recede until the tenth month, and on the first day of the tenth month the tops of the mountains became visible.

To remember means you forgot in the first place; what the hell was god doing that was so important he forgot about his flood thing?   Yet one more reason to believe that this god is more than just a little stupid... although he can't be that stupid if he figured out where to put all that excess water after the flood.

6 After forty days Noah opened a window he had made in the ark

7 and sent out a raven, and it kept flying back and forth until the water had dried up from the earth.

8 Then he sent out a dove to see if the water had receded from the surface of the ground.

9 But the dove could find nowhere to perch because there was water over all the surface of the earth; so it returned to Noah in the ark. He reached out his hand and took the dove and brought it back to himself in the ark.

10 He waited seven more days and again sent out the dove from the ark.

11 When the dove returned to him in the evening, there in its beak was a freshly plucked olive leaf! Then Noah knew that the water had receded from the earth.

12 He waited seven more days and sent the dove out again, but this time it did not return to him.

The raven was smart, if it found something or not it returned with nothing.  He knew where the food was.   The dove, on the other hand, came back with an olive leaf.  Noah thinks "now fend for himself and we no longer have to feed him" and off he was sent again.  The olive leaf must have been floating around somewhere as you wouldn't expect a tree to produce anything that quickly after being drowned for so long but the dove thought he was being smart. The raven is now laughing... and alive.  The dove starved to death because of his own pride... or something like that. Let's not forget that it takes two to breed; what the hell is the lady dove supposed to do now?   Is a dove a clean animal or an unclean animal?   It has to be a clean animal so there was seven of it's kind which is why there are still doves today.

13 By the first day of the first month of Noah’s six hundred and first year, the water had dried up from the earth. Noah then removed the covering from the ark and saw that the surface of the ground was dry.

14 By the twenty-seventh day of the second month the earth was completely dry.

15 Then God said to Noah,

16 “Come out of the ark, you and your wife and your sons and their wives.

17 Bring out every kind of living creature that is with you—the birds, the animals, and all the creatures that move along the ground—so they can multiply on the earth and be fruitful and increase in number on it.”

Fair enough, all he needs to do is open the cage doors and let the animals make their own way out and hope they wont eat each other on the way.  Fortunately it only takes one pair to repopulate the world... wait, what?

18 So Noah came out, together with his sons and his wife and his sons’ wives.

19 All the animals and all the creatures that move along the ground and all the birds—everything that moves on land—came out of the ark, one kind after another.

20 Then Noah built an altar to the Lord and, taking some of all the clean animals and clean birds, he sacrificed burnt offerings on it.

So let me get this right, god asked Noah to build an ark to save him and the animals because god wants to kill everything and start again.   Let's not talk about the fact that he created everything to start with and could easily do it again.   Now Noah, finding he was in fact saved from the floods, BBQ's some of the animals he was supposed to save to repopulate the earth in the name of god for god?????

21 The Lord smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: “Never again will I curse the ground because of humans, even though every inclination of the human heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done. 

God is too polite.  You know at this point he's thinking to himself that he saved the wrong guy.   Bastard! It took a lot to get the animals of the world to that ark!  If god had a wife she would be saying "he is our son dear" and god would be thinking "OK, I guess we can do without the unicorns and they do smell great when roasted..."

22 “As long as the earth endures,

seed time and harvest,

cold and heat,

summer and winter,

day and night

will never cease.”

How nice.

Look out for my complete take down on Noah, the ark and the flood... coming soon!

I write this blog because it is a passion of mine to explore the myth of god and along the way even I learn some cool stuff but it takes a lot of time and energy to write this blog.  If you enjoy reading this blog please make a donation by clicking the DONATE button on the right so I can put more time into creating a better blog.

Thank you all

Justin